oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Randomize
