..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
