I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
