I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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