My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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