Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
