its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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