he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
