i just wanna soil my oats bro
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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