I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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