I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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