clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
