You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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