Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
