I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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