the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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