I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
