Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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