wrigley field is MILF paradise
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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