Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
