So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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