dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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