whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
