i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
