she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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