This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
