I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
