Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
