I'm laying in your front yard are you home
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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