we have pet lesbian snakes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
