well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
