lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
