The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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