I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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