R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
