I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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