I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
