All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
