Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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