I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
