I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
