No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
