lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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