I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
