Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
