he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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