I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
