You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
