My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
