but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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