Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
